Makayla's 1st Birthday!

May 22nd ended up being an extremely busy day.  Along with Brycson's preschool graduation we also celebrated Makayla's 1st birthday.  It's hard to believe it's been a year already.  Some days it seems like just yesterday we were saying hello and goodbye to our little lady.  It was definitely a milestone I wasn't looking forward to.  Mostly because I was so unsure as to how I was going to feel about/react that day. Camron had said all along that he didn't want it to be a day of sadness, he wanted it to be a celebration of her being a part of our family. I decided I was going to treat her 1st birthday as if she were here, and do all the things that I did for Brycson's first birthday celebration. 

I decided on a cupcake theme, and made invitations to send out to everyone. 

 Instead of presents we bought her a nice bouquet of flowers, purple of course, with lillies.  Since we were doing a cupcake theme I thought cupcakes as a birthday treat would be fun, but since we were going to be at the cemetery I didn't want the hassle and mess of wrappers, napkins, etc.  A nurse I work with has a company with her sister, and they make gourmet cookies.  I thought I could get the best of both worlds...cupcake cookies!  I told her I wanted cupcakes with a purple and green color scheme and let her imagination run wild.  I think she did a wonderful job and couldn't have been happier with how they turned out!

Makayla's stone all decorated for the big day. 

I still find it funny where this whole life experience has taken me.  A year ago I would have never been combing the aisles of craft and hobby stores looking for yard stakes to decorate a headstone with.  I saw these balloons and the candle at Jo-Ann's back in March and had to get them. 

We have such a wonderful, supportive family.  All but two people came to her birthday party.  Camron's brother and sister-in-law weren't able to come down from Logan.  But, I know they were there in spirit!  We launched purple and green balloons at Makayla's funeral and decided that would be her birthday tradition.  Everyone got a marker and wrote a special birthday message on their balloon to send her way.

I was so proud, with a little spelling help, Brycson was able to write on his own balloon. 

We all sang Happy Birthday and sent our balloons up to heaven.  I think this is where all the emotions for both Camron and I came out.  I had been in party planning mode most of the day and Camron had been so busy helping that I don't think we really had much time to think about it, until it came time to write our message and sing.  Most of our family got to "Hap...." before it got almost completely silent.  Who knew such a simple song could be so hard to sing.

I wasn't able to get a picture, but after all of Makayla's balloons had disappeared, Brycson sent up a single blue balloon for Makayla's fellow birthday buddy.  One of my fellow angel moms, who has lost two baby boys, lost her oldest child, Todd.  His birthday is May 22nd also. He turned nine this year. We figured we couldn't leave him out, he needed a balloon too! It was kind of fun to think about the two of them celebrating in Heaven together.

Our little family of 4 1/2!

Camron and I joked at the end of the day how much trouble you always seem to go to in celebrating your kiddo's first birthday, when really they won't remember a thing about it.  Camron mentioned that Makayla will probably remember her 1st birthday better than anyone else.  I hope we made her happy on her special day.

We are so grateful for the love and support from our family, friends and neighbors during this last month.  We arrived at the cemetery to find that our friends had left some balloons and a small gift for Camron and I.  We had numerous phone calls and messages of love and support sent our way as well.  We couldn't ask for better people in our lives, THANK YOU!!  

It's amazing to me how much this little girl, this little angel, has impacted our family.  She has taught me so much about myself, my faith and beliefs, my relationship with Camron and Brycson, and many more life lessons.  Things have happened in our lives this last year that I believe would never have come to fruition had we not had this experience.  She truly is our guardian angel. It's a world I never imagined being in, but I share this experience with so many other wonderful women, with whom I would have never met had it not been for our little girl. They continue to inspire and strengthen me.  I still am in awe as to the life path this experience continues to take me on. Although some days continue to be rough, I know it was all part of Heavenly Father's plan for us. It doesn't mean I completely understand why, or that I don't have my own little pity party every now and then.  I've just become more accepting. I'm so grateful to be Makayla's mom and hope she knows how special she is to our family.

Happy Birthday sweet girl!